Lifestyle Resources for Newbies

Welcome! It’s me, Liv, and I’m here to guide you. Below you’ll find the following:

Getting Started in the Lifestyle: Clubs, Resorts, Cruises and Online Options
Preparing for your first Lifestyle experience & What to Expect
Frequently Asked Questions (and my responses)

If you have questions about any of this content, or about something I did not address, please email me! I’m reachable at liv@livloveproductions.com. I want to help. Soon, I will also provide one-on-one consults for women and couples by video, if this option appeals to you, shoot me an email and I will send you an update once that service is available.

Getting Started in the Lifestyle

So, the first question is probably, how?

My husband and I sort of stumbled into the Lifestyle. After a New Year’s Eve Party we were planning attend was cancelled, Misha quickly sought alternative options, and found a promo flyer for a Lifestyle club in Houston called The Pendulum Club South. We didn’t know about the Lifestyle, and most of our views of swingers were outdated, but we thought it was a sex club like you might see on TV, and we were intrigued.

When we arrived at the club, I was astonished to see most women dressed in lingerie (or less); women sitting on their husband’s laps, giving lap dances, and people making out on the dance floor. We nervously took a couple shots of the bottle we brought and got to dancing. Men touched the small of my back and encouraged me to go topless. I was shocked! A woman kissed both me and my husband at midnight, and I found it hot. A topless woman asked me to dance, then asked to kiss me, to which I responded (albeit insanely aroused) that I needed to ask my husband. We hadn’t talked about this possibility at all! But he excitedly encouraged me to do as I pleased and after her and I kissed, she ate me out in the main room of the club. Then, to my surprise, like I was overcome by someone else, someone far more natural, intuitive, and sexy than me, I ate her out! I heard myself say to my husband, as I made my way down, “You can do anything, touch her, kiss her, whatever you please.” He licked her nipples rhythmically and helped me bring her to orgasm.

After the experience, we had a lot to think about. I’ll get to those questions in the next two sections. For now, if an experience like this sounds interesting to you, here are some ways to make it happen.

1. Your Local Club

If you live in a major city, there is likely at least one lifestyle club in your area. Some well-known and respectable clubs include:

The Pendulum Club South (Houston, TX), Colette (New Orleans, LA), Red Room (Nashville, TN), Pleasure Garden Club (Philadelphia, PA), Saints & Sinners (Philadelphia, PA & Atlantic City, NJ), Scarlet Ranch (Denver, CO), Trapeze (Atlanta, GA), Trapeze (Ft. Lauderdale, FL), Club Joi (Los Angeles, CA).

There is also Oasis Aqualounge in Toronto, Canada. Popular European Clubs include Oops! (Barcelona, Spain), Training Pedrables (Barcelona, Spain), Mask (Paris, France), Les Chandelles (Paris, France), Fata Morgana (Amsterdam, Netherlands), and Fun 4 Two (Amsterdam, Netherlands). There is also Cap D’Agde, France, also called The Naked City, which hosts many Lifestyle clubs and events. In my limited experience (I’ve been to Oops! and Cap D’Agde), swing clubs in Europe are sexy, classy and clean.

Do a quick search (“Lifestyle Club”), and you are sure to find the ones in your area. Here and here offer combined lists you could also search. Generally, the big night is Saturday. If you are trying to figure out which club to go to, there is a general consensus that clubs that do not allow single men (at least on Saturdays) tend to have better reputations. R/Swingers on Reddit is also a helpful resource.

2. Resorts

If you do not live near a club, or you have reasons you may want to avoid swinging locally, perhaps a resort will interest you. Here are the main lifestyle resorts: Temptation Resort (Cancun, Mexico), Desire Resorts (three locations in Cancun, Mexico), Hedonism II (Negril, Jamaica), Secrets Hideaway (Kissimmee, Florida), Caliente Resort (Tampa, Florida), Sea Mountain Resort (Palm Springs, CA).

3. Cruises

It can be hard to time resort visits, and maybe the idea of sitting out by the pool doesn’t excite you. Cruises provide more programming and ice-breaker opportunities to make it easier to meet people. Cruises are my favorite Lifestyle experience because everyone is on the same travel schedule and wedded to the same events, allowing many opportunities to connect and reconnect with couples you find attractive. They also typically provide workshops (I teach two for Temptation Cruise), and sexy entertainment. The major cruise lines are Temptation Cruise, Desire Cruise and Bliss Cruise.

4. Online

By far the cheapest option, maybe you’d feel most comfortable chatting online with other Lifestyle couples and meeting up in one-on-one settings or at local events. SDC, Kasidie, and SLS are all websites for connecting with other Lifestyle couples (and singles). Each charge a monthly or annual membership fee but will let you try them out for free. SDC is bigger in Texas and the middle of the country, SLS is most popular on the East Coast, and Kasidie is big on the West Coast. Like any dating site, you will have a profile that includes your age, photos, a couple’s bio and relevant details about yourselves and your preferences, and you will be able to view, like and friend other profiles. You can also use these sites to learn about upcoming events such as hotel takeovers and meetups in your area (and across the country).

Preparing for Your First Lifestyle Experience

1. What to expect

Whether you are at a club, a resort, or a cruise, there are common features. One is topless women. That’s pretty likely. Swingers believe less is more, especially when it comes to clothes. Depending on the setting, there may be nudity. Girls kissing girls is common as well. It’s possible you won’t be able to figure out who is attached to whom in any given group. Many of these settings are a party vibe, although some events are more casual, including lounge-like settings and hanging by the pool. Most places will have a public playroom, which is a public room where people may have sex and anyone can watch. Some will have private playrooms, where you may go and play and close the door, or obscure yourselves to the level of your own comfort.

Clubs in the United States are all BYOB because of laws prohibiting alcohol sales where full nudity is permitted. Hotel takeovers and other events may sell alcohol. There will typically be a person or two, usually newbies, who have had too much to drink, but over-intoxication is not normal like it is at a typical Vanilla bar or dance club. All these events and venues will have rules and descriptions so you can get a sense of what you are getting into, and typically, there will be a theme to the event so you can dress accordingly.

2. Preparing for your visit

There are as many approaches to your first visit as there are people out there, but here are two general approaches I see:

Option A) Go in with set boundaries: discuss in advance with your beloved what you are interested in trying, and what is off the table. This may provide a much-needed sense of safety for the two of you. Plus, it may be easier to stay on the same page if you communicate openly and remove any stealth or unspoken expectations. If this sounds helpful to you, you may want to discuss the following questions with your partner:

Is there anything I could do that you would find hurtful, or betraying?
Do you have any fantasies we might communicate to other couples?
How will we check in with each other to make sure we are both feeling good throughout the experience?
If the opportunity arises, are we up to full swap (penetrative intercourse with other couples) or do we want to keep it to soft swap (oral only) or something different?
Is there anything you absolutely do not want to do, or, conversely, anything that you absolutely want to make sure we do? For example, stay in the same room or within arms reach of one another.

Option B) Go in completely open-minded to the experience, without expectations. Sometimes, it’s easier and more fun to go in without rules, preferences, boundaries or goals. These can sometimes stress us out and get in the way of our ability to be present in the moment. You can always learn what you like or didn’t like and set up boundaries later.

Regardless of which approach you choose, we find it helpful to set an intention for the night to keep us grounded and on the same page. We usually use something like, “Have fun,” or “Be ourselves.” Most importantly, agree in advance that whatever happens, nothing that happens during your experience will tear you apart. Agree in advance to give each other grace, the benefit of the doubt and to forgive one another for anything that happens once you step through those doors. You need the freedom and permission to make mistakes, otherwise, it will be too high stakes and not fun at all! And the whole point is fun!

Frequently Asked Questions

1. If I go to one of these settings, do I have to play?

No! Definitely not. Our local club reports that on any given night, 75% of people will not play at the club. Even if you never play, i.e. you are a voyeur, you are welcome in Lifestyle settings. You also never have to “swap,” many people in the Lifestyle simply like to be watched or engage in parallel play (side-by-side sex) with other couples.

2. Don’t you get jealous?

A little jealousy, in my opinion, is a good thing. Yes, occasionally I get jealous, but that tells me that I am aroused. I enjoy seeing my husband enjoyed by others. I enjoy seeing him pleasure and be pleasured by others. It’s live porn for me, and hugely arousing to see that others want him as bad as I do. And it deepens our love and connection every time we come back to each other. I like showing him off, and he feels the same. Jealousy can be healthy and can be channeled.

3. Aren’t you worried about STDs?

No. Couples actually have a pretty low rate of sexually transmitted diseases relative to single people, and, people in the Lifestyle are good about getting tested. There are special play groups for people with ongoing conditions like HSV2, and condoms are commonplace. No one will be put off if you ask (kindly) and make sure everyone is confident they are clean. The community is so small, it would be hugely off-putting and cause serious consequences for someone to knowingly spread anything.

4. How does it happen? Do you just walk up to someone and...?

There is still some song and dance, just like dating. Usually it starts with a wave, or a hello, and then, if it’s reciprocated, an introduction. Maybe you’ll have some small talk or dance a little to see if the electricity and chemistry is there. If you want to proceed, you’ll likely talk interests: do you like girl-girl play? What are your fantasies? What are your boundaries? If it seems everyone is on board, it’s time to ask the magic question: “Do you want to play?” Then you may find a room on or off-site.

Conclusion & Well Wishes

There you have it! Not so scary, huh? If you still have questions, seriously, email me! I’d love to engage with you or even write a newsletter piece (or whole book!) responding to your question. Being in the Lifestyle has revolutionized our life. We went from quiet desperation and meandering to purposeful, confident, full-of-life beings. Our love and our sex life has ballooned: swinging has deepened our passion for one another, for health, and for life. We have so much fun in the Lifestyle, and we want the same for you. Let me (and Misha) be the friends you need.

May you find all that you are looking for, and more,

Liv Love